How does a novelist
become a death doula?
It was April 2020, the height of lockdown. Overwhelmed with grief and death anxiety, I got my two young children situated with a snack and TV show. I barely made it out the front door and onto the porch steps before I crumbled into tears, sobbing.
Death. So much death.
An overwhelming awareness of mortality—of those I love, and my own—crested over me, followed quickly by a sense of smallness, and paralyzing lack of control. And then, the realization: This isn’t just me… it’s all of us. The pandemic was forcing us to deal with death, dying, and mortality… and we didn’t know how.
So I decided to transmute my fear, and turn it into service. Throughout the years, I had heard stories from those I knew who endured horrific experiences as sole caregivers. In my heart, I yearned for a better way.
“One day, my best friend sent me an article about death doulas with a note: ‘I could see you doing this.’ ”
In 2018, my best friend sent me an article about death doulas with a note: “I could see you doing this.” But it wasn’t until March 2021 that I took the leap, when I was accepted into the Nine Keys Death Midwifery Apprenticeship under Narinder Bazen.
My unique gifting as a death doula comes through my empathy, imagination, and creativity. I tell and preserve stories full of heart and art, yes, but I also use my creative mind to find comfort measures specifically suited to my client’s personality, wishes, and preferences. I am honored to serve my community, and help us reimagine the death and dying experience.
As hospice pioneer Barbara Karnes says, “Death is not a medical event. Death is a social and communal event.”
“For those who seek to understand it, death is a highly creative force. The highest spiritual values of life can originate from the thought and study of death.”